Stuck in These Feelings

Abe was not my boyfriend. 

Abe had a girlfriend. 

I was not his girlfriend. 

I was his girl friend. 

That’s why Abe was in my room, sitting on my bed, while my parents were out of the house. A typical Tuesday for us. 

“Hey, where are you?” Abe cut through my reverie.

“Right here silly,” I giggled like a school girl. 

“I know that silly.” He tickled my ribs. I swatted him away. “I meant in here.” He rapped his knuckles against my forehead. 

I reveled in the feel of his warm, rough skin scratching against my own. Before I fell into another reverie, I leaned backward, clearing my throat. “Are we playing or not?” 

“Kay.” He grabbed my hand in his. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

I could tell him the truth. I could tell him how much I loved him, how I had been in love with him for some time, and that I wanted to be more than friends. But at the same time, I could not. So I opted for a version of the truth. 

“It’s nothing. Just girl stuff.” 

Hopefully he’d leave it at that. 

“Oh come on. You can tell me.” 

“Well.” I considered it. What’s a little more truth? So long as I don’t actually tell him the whole thing. “There’s this guy.” I gauged his reaction. So far so good. “I like him but I’m afraid if I tell him, he’ll freak out.” 

“Maybe he won’t freak out.” He looked at me. Was he saying what I think he was saying?

“How do you know?” 

“Who wouldn’t want to be liked by you?” 

“Abe.” I swatted his chest with my free hand. He caught it with his free hand. 

An eternity of looks passed between us before his phone vibrated, flashing his girlfriend’s name across the screen. We pulled apart as if we were on fire and Abe got up and left. And I could only just sit there, sighing with relief for dodging the mistake I almost made. But also regretting not telling him the truth when I had the chance. Once again stuck in the limbo of my feelings.

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