Ch. 7

Past

Ayden

It was cold. Colder than it had been in previous years.     

She didn’t even have goosebumps on her skin. It was as if the weather wasn’t affecting her at all. It was one of the things I used to marvel about her, but now, I envied it. All I wanted now was to not feel the cold, to not feel anything.

“I’m going to get some more firewood,” I told her. A lot of that would do. I’d still be shivering, freezing to death and she’d still be fine.

“Okay.” She smiled, as if everything was fine. But then it faltered, her lips setting into a firm line. “Ayden.” She stood.

I forgot. Of course she could hear my fucking thoughts. Not only was I cold, wet, tired and hungry, I couldn’t even gripe to myself. Fucking fantastic.

“What?” I snapped. I didn’t really care that I’d hurt her feelings. Yet when I saw the tears welling in the corners of her eyes, I softened. “Yes Pamuya?”

“I was just going to say be careful and hurry back.” She plastered a smile for me.

I knew that wasn’t what she was going to say. As much as she could read my mind I could read hers.

“Okay,” was my only reply, a weak smile etching the corners of my lips.

I hated disappointing her. I wasn’t the only one who had given up everything. Pamuya was banished from the heavens, never to return home, see her family again. Even though I had left everything behind, I was sure if I returned now they would—but I didn’t dare finish the thought. I didn’t want Pamuya to feel more alone than she already was.

I trudge through the frozen ground, more so from the guilt than from the frostbite of my toes. Pamuya hadn’t done anything wrong. I was just taking out my frustration on her.

I stood still, allowing the chill to whip right through me, hoping it would quell my angst.

Suddenly the wind stopped and all sound ceased in the woods. A low whistle blew past my ear and the next thing I knew I was on the ground.

I opened my eyes and felt the world around me shift. My eyes were moving but it wasn’t me moving them.

Get up.

A voice inside my head commanded. It sounded eerie, like snakes crawling all around my brain.

No!

I shook my head or tried to but the instant I jerked my body, this strange force stopped him.

Get up now human!

Make me then!

As you wish.    

Slowly, my hands flung out in front of me, palms smashing into the soft, cold, wet ground, trying to push me up.

My face lay pressed to the ground, me desperately trying to resist the presence within me. I felt my head turn to the side, my cheek scraping against the twigs and leaves.

My fingers, one by one, dug into the earth, clawing, grasping. Soon, my hand found a solid grip and with one strong push, I was lifted up on my forearms.

I willed myself to lie back down but to no avail. Suddenly I found myself rising to my feet, languidly limping back to our campsite.

Stop! I screamed inside my head but my body wasn’t responding. My feet kept dragging against the ground, my body thrusting itself forward.

Inch by inch, the light from our dwindling campfire appeared before me and there was my Pamuya, breathtaking as usual.

My body froze, taking in her beauty. Her long raven hair shimmering in the moonlight, her soft, clay skin glowing against the fire’s light, her eyes piercing into my soul. I hoped she could see the real me and now whatever possessed me.

Pamuya please but I was silenced.

“Ayden? Is that you?” She gingerly rose onto her feet.

I felt the corners of my lips tug upward, trying to smile but I could tell it wasn’t genuine pleasure to see her. There was something sinister behind this grin and I desperately wanted to scream for her to run. I knew something bad was about to happen to her and it would be all my fault.

I felt one of my legs being tugged forward, then the other, as my body lumbered into the light. My eyes peered just over the top of her head and I blinked away the sight of her. I didn’t want to see those soulful, loving eyes staring back at me.

“Who else would it be?” I heard myself jeer.

I jerked backwards. That voice that just came out of me sounded sharp, almost accusatory? Why was I so angry with her? Why was I spitting daggers at the one I loved?

She blinked rapidly, as though she were taken aback or maybe confused. But then she shook her head, as if shaking the thought away.

Normally I could hear her thoughts in my head but I could hear anything. I could barely sense her presence in front of me. Pamuya was just a force to be reckoned with that I could always feel her warmth and her love radiating through me. But now, there was this cold, numbness that left me feeling empty. Just a shell void of anything wandering aimlessly.

I needed to regain control of my body. I didn’t want to lose her touch, her smile, her light, her everything. Whoever this was controlling me had to get out now.

“Where’s the firewood?” Pamuya broke through my thoughts.

I had never intended to get the firewood. She knew that. It was just a ploy to get some space from her. I wished more than anything I hadn’t done that. I could have just stayed here with her and none of this would have happened.

“I forgot,” my mouth uttered the words as my shoulders shrugged against my will. So flippant, so dismissive of her.

Please Pamuya. You have to know it’s not me.

“Okay . . . Well I could go get it instead. If you want,” she sounded so small, trying to pacify me.

I hated it. She was always so strong and confident and now she was unsure and insecure. I had degraded her, humanized her. The irony. Although Pamuya had always wanted to be human, I was sure she hadn’t intended to be this weak and diminished.

“D-don’t,” I struggled to speak, my words strangling to get out. “Don’t bother. As though you would care. Admit it, you never cared about me? You only used me to escape?” the other voice spat.

Chills ran down my spine. This time it wasn’t some force I couldn’t see controlling me. This time it was my thoughts, thoughts I had buried deep within the dark crevices of my soul, praying she’d never find out. I couldn’t deny that this thing was reading my mind and telling her my true feelings.

Pamuya don’t listen. I tried to mentally communicate with her but the look on her face told me she still couldn’t hear me.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” the entity sneered.

“No, I don’t think I did. The Ayden I know would never say these things to me.” I could see the tears welling in her eyes but she was holding them back.

“Admit it!” it screamed from within me.

“Ayden, what has gotten into you?” She came closer, shortening the gap between us until there was no space left. Her hands reached out for me but my hand grasped her wrist, stopping her.       

I knew, even while possessed, I’d never have the strength to hurt her but she looked in pain, like this was killing her.

I wondered what she saw when she stared at me. Did she the anguish of my soul trapped in my own body, unable to stop this being from doing these things? Could she see the torment that was swirling around inside of me? Or did she only see this creature staring back at her?

Honestly, I hoped she couldn’t see me. I didn’t want her to think I was this terrible person who’d say such horrible things to the one I loved. I was grateful to Pamuya. She saved me when others would have let me drown. She brought me back to life in more ways than one. I owed her everything. And with every fiber of my being, I had to fight this usurper that has taken over my body.

I shoved her back, afraid of what this trespasser would do to her.

“Stay away from me,” I spoke, regaining a small sense of myself.

She clasped her wrist, rubbing the spot where it touched her. If this thing hurt her, I’d kill myself just to kill it.

“What has gotten into you?” She asked. “Why . . . why are you doing this? I know you’re unhappy but to hurt me, Ayden, please, talk to me,” she was begging.

“Look at you? Pathetic!” The possessor cackled. “Such a goddess reduced to a snivel wench, pleading with her lover.”

“Ayden stop.” She covered her ears.

My lips twisted into a sneer, fangs that weren’t there before sticking out. My body seemed taller, towering over Pamuya, peering over the top of her head. My muscles more defined than they had ever been, my stance aggressive, ready to pounce, my hands itching for a fight. I had to end this before anything else happened.

“Beg again” the words slipped out, mixed with a cruel chortle.

“Ayden, don’t do this. Just stop.”

“Beg me some more. Beg me until I’ve had enough!”

“Ayden stop!” Tears were dripping from her heavenly irises.

“If Amek could see you now,” it jeered.

Slowly she lowered her hands from her head. Tears leaking from dazed and confused orbs until her eyebrows knitted together, sadness being replaced with anger.

“What’s the matter? Cat got your–”

But the entity never got to finish as a blast of water assailed across my frame, sending me flying back.  I could feel branches, twigs, leaves, and pine cones snapping against my spine as I flew through the wintry winds.

The entity stuck my feet into the hard packed snow, digging my heels into the frozen ground, adding traction to my flight and slowing me down. Once stopped, It crouched my body down and sprinted back to our campsite. Before I knew what was happening, my hand reached out at her throat and slammed her down on the ground.

“I knew it. You hate me!” I shoved her further into the snow.

This wasn’t me. I didn’t want to hurt Pamuya. I gave up everything for her. I loved her.

She threw me off her, breathing heavily, rage radiating off her glorious form. She manifested a staff from thin air before lunging forward, whacking the wooden spear against me.

My face split open, shrill laughter erupting from within as I blocked each assault with barely any effort.

“I swear I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I will beat it out of you if I have to!” She stampeded forward, barreling into me with all her fury and frustration. And even though I had thwarted most of her attacks, my human body could only withstand so much. Cuts and bruises littered my forearms, blood trickling down my skin, soaking my tunic.

“That’s enough,” a mixture of its voice and mine resounded through the trees as my hand caught her weapon, holding her still. “My turn.” It grinned.

Out of nowhere, a white spear made of cold, glistening dust appeared in my hand.             Pamuya’s eyes went wide with recognition and she pulled away, putting some distance between It and me.

“So you know what this is then? And I’m sure you know what it does,” It spoke.

“Where did you get that? How did you–”

“Would you like to see it in action?” It said.

“Ayden–”

Before she could finish her thought, thoughts I wished I could hear, It raised the staff over its head and harpooned it straight at Pamuya.

She leapt out of the way, but not completely unscathed. The javelin had lacerated her side and I could see blood seeping into her clothes. She peered down at herself, accessing the damage, pressing her palm against the gushing wound. She pulled her hand away, just staring at the red liquid staining her skin.

“So you do bleed. Interesting.”

Enough! I screamed for It to stop. End this. You proved your point.

Oh we’re just beginning.   

It stalked over to Pamuya and she crept back, increasing the space between us. It picked up the spear and posed the weapon to attack again.

“Please don’t do this. I don’t want to have to–” her lip quivered, as though she couldn’t finish the thought.

“You don’t want to have to what? Kill me? Either you kill me or I will kill you. It’s as simple as that.”

“Ayden please.”

“We’re done with the begging portion of this game. I’m bored of that now. Time to finish you off.”

It threw the spear again and Pamuya blocked it, running around me in a circle. It retrieved the weapon and sailed it through the air, aiming for her again. Pamuya blocked once more, but she faltered, opening herself up for the entity to pin her down, posing the staff to stab her.

Pamuya pushed him off her, jumping to her feet and landing a swift kick to the head. My body staggered back but didn’t fall. Pamuya latched her assault, throwing hands left and right, landing punch after punch against my face, her staff long forgotten.

I fumbled further back, trying to block her attack, sometimes succeeding, other times failing. When my back hit the solid force of a tree trunk, Pamuya grabbed my throat and proceeded to open her mouth, a white glow forming at the base of her throat.

The possessor pushed my feet up, slamming them into her stomach, causing her to fall back, sending the blast skyward. Soon, It grabbed her hair and hauled its own barrage of hits.

She covered her face, trying to protect herself as best she could. With every whimper and wail, I could feel myself breaking. I wouldn’t last much longer. I knew Pamuya was holding back. I just wanted her to end this, for both of us.

Suddenly, the entity stopped, pulling back, releasing her. Pamuya coughed up blood, struggling to rise to her feet.

“Ready to die?” It asked.

Pamuya sat silent. Had she given up? I knew I had wanted it over, but she should at least fight back. She was so much stronger than this. She could easily take me. She was holding back because of her love for me but if she truly loved me, she wouldn’t stand to leave me this way.

Pamuya please. I begged. Take me out of my misery.

As you wish I heard her voice inside my head.

“Pamuya,” the other voice and I breathed.

She clambered off the ground, forcing herself upright. Then she straightened her back and squared her shoulders. A sudden gust of wind burst around us, knocking me off-center. She raised her hand above her head, as if summoning the moon before a bright, white light flowed down and engulfed her.

I held my hands up, shielding myself from the blinding light.

When it dissipated, her form was covered in a long, white dress with her arms encased in silver shackles, her hair longer than ever, flowing almost to her ankles and her eyes, both of them cold and gray. And in her hand, a shimmering staff as pale as the moon itself with an opaque sphere adorning the top.

She was breathtaking.

She pulled the staff to her before swinging it outward, sending a cascade of heavenly dust against my body. The spear in my hand disintegrated as I fell to my knees, washed in her light. The entity seeped from within, finally allowing me to regain control of myself.

The light dispelled and there was my Pamuya again, standing in her earth toned dress, normal hair, with one eye silver and the other blue, and bleeding profusely.

“Pamuya!” I ran to her, catching her in my arms as we fell to the ground. “Forgive me. That wasn’t me. Please, don’t die.” I cradled her in my arms.

“Ayden,” she croaked.

“Yes my love?”

She touched a bloodied hand to my face but I didn’t care. I just wanted her to be alright.

“Never forget me,” she uttered as she took her last breath.

My heart stopped. The wind stopped. All time stopped.

“Pamuya!”

 Present

Ayden

I lay there, drowning in my own tears.

It had been a while since I thought about that night. With each lifetime, every time that memory chose to resurface, I would suppress it somewhere deep within until I forgot about it. That worked sometimes and other times, not so much.

That first reincarnation, after Pamuya’s death, I went mad and killed myself. That life was short lived. I barely remembered the person I was then.     

As Jeremiah, my mother would sing me to sleep and that seemed to soothe me.

With Mr. Garner, I had fought in a war and those images took up space, overshadowing her death for some time.

Then there’s now.

Wi had shook me. I barely sensed he was there and I’d let him get too close to Pamuya–I mean Annalee. I should have protected her better. I felt like I was the same weak human who got possessed and caused her demise.

Well I wouldn’t be responsible for her death twice. I was going to protect her at all costs.

Pulling back the covers, I flung my legs over the side of the bed and landed in water.

Right, all the crying.

Standing up, I took a deep breath before raising my arms in the air. I thrusted my left arm to the side and the water on that side of the room dispersed, disappearing into thin air. Then I did the same to the right side of the room, getting rid of the evidence of my terrible dream.

Once done, I went to my closet and pulled out my school uniform. It was pouring down heavily again today, so I opted for some rain boots, and slipped my loafers in my backpack before slipping on my raincoat.

I raced to the door and there she was, my Pamuya.

“Hey,” she said as she bashfully slipped her hair behind her ears.

Although she looked like my Pamuya, there were vast differences between the two. For starters, Annalee was shy whereas Pamuya was bold. Annalee also blushes easily and Pamuya stared in awe. But their beauty was the same. She was captivating. I just needed to be patient and ease her out of her shell and restore that confidence buried deep inside her.

“Good morning.” I smiled. “How did you sleep?”

“Okay.” She shrugged, turning away from me, staring at a random point down the hall, biting her lip.

So they both lied the same. Pamuya used to turn away from me, gnawing on her lip when she didn’t want to tell me how she really felt.

“If you ever want to talk, I’m here,” I supplied.

“Thanks.” She shifted her eyes to me for a moment then returned to the hallway.

“Shall we?” I gestured.

She nodded and started off.

Since Wi’s rescue yesterday, Pamuya and I had entered a sort of truce.

“How did Wi reincarnate?” Pamuya frantically paced before me.

“Look, we don’t know if that was–”

“Oh please.” She stopped pacing. “It was him. You know it and I know it. Remember, I can hear everything you’re thinking. I felt your blood run as cold as mine when you saw him.”

“You would be correct. So what do you want to do?”

“Why didn’t he kill me then?” she asked.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” I replied.

“We can’t be caught off guard like that again.” She resumed her pacing, chewing on her nails. A tic that must have come from Annalee. I didn’t remember Pamuya having done that.

“We?”

“Oh, so you’re not willing to help me?” She stopped again, crossing her arms over her chest.

“If I recall correctly, you told me to stay away from you.” I rose, matching her stance.

“Well . . .” She chewed her lip. “You know how to control your powers and I–she–needs to learn how to do that.”

“Why can’t you just take control? Like you’re doing now?”

“I can’t use my powers to their full capacity if I take control.” She turned around and lifted her shirt for me to see. On her back was a large tattoo of a circle with different symbols in the middle, one I recognized meaning ‘moon.’

“Pamuya–”

“It is a seal to keep my powers in check. I can use them so long as she is in control. But the moment I take over, the seal will diminish my strength and put me to sleep.” She pushed her shirt back down.

“Thus Annalee needs to learn how to use your powers.”

“Exactly.” She turned to face me. “Truce then?” She stuck her hand out for me to shake.

“Truce.” I shook her hand.

Now we were headed to class in awkward silence.

It didn’t used to be so hard to talk to Pamuya. Even though I was linked with Annalee, she felt like a mystery to me. And I’m sure I felt foreign to her too.

“You don’t feel foreign to me,” she broke the silence first.

“So you heard that huh?”

“Kind of hard not to. You’re standing right beside me thinking so loudly.”

“Sorry.” Now it was my turn to blush. Then I cleared my throat. “So how do you want to go about training?”

“I don’t know. I was hoping you’d know what to do,” she said.

I considered her answer then replied, “How did you train back home?”

“I mostly practiced cleaning up the mess my powers made. I never really learned how to use them.”

“I see,” I said. “Well, as long as Pamuya doesn’t take full control, we should be able to practice. Do you think you can handle that?”

She nodded yes.

“How about we meet at the old gymnasium and practice? After curfew?”

“Won’t we get in trouble?” she whispered, as if someone were listening.

I laughed loudly. The Pamuya I knew would have left at the chance to break all the rules.    Annalee was not like that. This would be interesting.