Ch. 4

Ayden POV (Past)

A knock somewhere I couldn’t see woke me from my slumber. My eyes adjusted to my surroundings and I saw nothing recognizable. Last thing I remember was holding my Pamuya in my arms. But now, my hands were empty and paper thin with blue veins spidered throughout them. 

It took me a moment to realize where I was. I was encased by walls of light purple-gray, with framed images of birds of all kinds in mid flight. There was also one window, with flimsy, white plastic panels cascading in front of it, slightly tilted, allowing for slivers of light to shine through. 

Sitting up a bit and wiping the sleep from my eyes, an immense pain shot through me and made me instantly regret waking up. Rubbing my back, I shifted to the edge of the bed and for the first time, got a real good glimpse of myself. I was dressed in oversized, striped blue and white pajamas upon my very slim figure. My arms and legs looked and felt as brittle as toothpicks, and my skin was the color of flour. My hands were the only place I seemed to have any color and they were covered in liver spots. 

I turned to the table beside me and saw a myriad of photos with smiling children laughing and playing, while others were of a blonde haired woman through the ages. Although, one picture caught my attention in particular. It was of the same blonde woman standing next to a man who looked exactly like me. Well, the me I used to be, judging from the look of this frail, old body.

The blonde was holding her engorged stomach and there was a visible ring on her left hand. As well as a ring on my left hand. We were married and expecting.

“What happened to me?” I said to no one. 

The knock sounded again and I tried to stand up, only to quickly fall back down on the bed. Resigned to this ailing form, I called out, “Come in.” 

“How are we feeling today Mr. Garner?” a woman dressed in all pink and thick black shoes asked happily. 

I blinked rapidly, my back going rim rod straight. My caretaker surprisingly had long, raven hair framing her copper skinned face with dark, rich hazel eyes. She had a lean muscular build under her clothes and was quite tall. Though the eyes weren’t the same color, she was the spitting image of my Pamuya. 

I pushed myself forward only to collapse to the floor. The impact hurt much more than I had anticipated and a wobbly gasp of pain escaped my lips. 

“Oh no Mr. Garner. Here, let me help you.” The pink woman rushed to my side. 

“Pamuya.” I reached out and touched her hair. 

She looked confused at first but then smiled. “No, I’m Laura. Your nurse.” She hooked her arms under mine and hefted me up to my feet. “Now let’s get you back in bed.” 

She was strong like my Pamuya. I remembered Pamuya could lift a tree from the ground with ease and carry it several yards without breaking a sweat. I doubted this version of her could do that but she most certainly was capable of amazing things. That I could tell. 

She got me back on the bed and laid me on my back. Hooking her arms under me again, she tugged me up and propped me against my pillows. Then she slid her arms beneath my legs and swiveled them parallel to the bed. She yanked the covers back with flare, giving me a little wink, while tucking me in. Then she came forward, reaching behind me to fluff my pillows. 

“There, all better.” She beamed at her handiwork. And she should. I felt like I was lying on a cloud. Even after that terrible fall. “Now, let’s get you those pills.” 

“No.” I grabbed her hand. “I mean . . . It’s just . . . Do we have to do this?” I tried to smooth things over. 

“Now, now Mr. Garner.” She tried to peel my hand off hers but I held firm. I needed to know. 

“Pamuya please.” I begged. “I’m so tired. I just want this to be over. Please tell me it’s over and that I’ve finally found you.”

Tears began welling in my eyes but I'd fight through them. I wanted to be of clear and sound mind when she gave me her response. 

“Mr. Garner, I–” 

“Don’t you remember?” I pressed on. 

I let go of her for a moment to retrieve the amulet hidden beneath my pajama top. I had it with me for as long as I could remember. The amulet had been bestowed upon me during one of Pamuya’s visits. She told me it would protect me whenever I was in danger. It would allow my body to heal if wounded or sick and allow me to live longer by slowing down the aging process. That last part she didn’t tell me; but the fact that I was 102 and no one in my family’s history had ever lived that long, I put two and two together. 

I pulled out a thin, delicate chain with two horizontal rings at the end holding a glass sphere filled with liquid. And when you looked inside the orb, you could see remnants of their lives together. How could she not remember?

Unless this wasn’t my Pamuya. Oh no. How could I have gotten it so terribly wrong? Was I so desperate to find her that I’d choose anybody to be her?

“I’m sorry Mr. Garner.” Laura came over and squeezed my hand. 

I laid mine on top of her and patted gently. “It’s alright. Wasn’t meant to be.”

I was done. I had lived a long and healthy life and now I was ready for death. I hadn’t found my Pamuya and I was tired of searching. Maybe in the next life, I would find her. I could only hope. 

Lost in my reverie, I hadn’t noticed Laura leaving my beside to retrieve my pills. Now she stood there smiling down at me expectantly. A part of me wanted to turn her away, refusing to take my pills but the other part of me felt ashamed for my earlier mistake. I simply wanted to save face and put this little faux pas behind me. 

“Right.” I took the tiny plastic cup from her hands. “Bottoms up.” I placed the cup to my lips and tilted my head just so, ingesting my medicine. 

“That’s my star patient.” Laura smiled kindly, patting my shoulder. “You just rest up and I’ll come and get you when breakfast is ready. Sound good?” 

“Sounds good.” I nodded as she left my room. 

As much as I’d love to comply with Laura’s request, I just couldn’t do it today. I wanted to see Pamuya and I wasn’t going to see her anytime soon in this lifetime. This old man had had enough. 

As soon as I heard the click of the lock, I spat out my pills and threw them in the drawer of my nightstand. Hopefully, by the time Laura would come back, it’d be too late. I will have moved on to my next life. 

And with that, I laid myself down to sleep, hoping to see my Pamuya the next time I opened my eyes. 

Ayden POV (Present)

I jolted myself awake, gasping for air at the distant memory. It had been some time since I remembered my life as Mr. Garner. I was hoping to actually forget that one. It was one of the longest lives I had lived and my most lonely. Though I was married with children, I never stopped dreaming of finding my Pamuya and yet, I died, not yet having found her. But this time, I wasn’t going to give up. I had found her and soon we’d be reunited. If only she’d have me. 

Sensing sleep would not return to me, I decided to take a quick shower, so I’d have time to get ready. Classes were in full swing now that orientation was finally over and my classmates were eager to begin their studies, connect with new and old friends, establish new relationships whereas I was looking to pick up where I left off. 

I slipped on my uniform jacket and looked at myself in the mirror. I basically was a clone of everyone else. But hopefully I stood out enough as her Ayden for her to notice me. Thus, I started from the top and worked my way down. 

I had straight black hair that my mother insisted be cut to look like a choir boy. But I had a fix for that. I had this special pommade I ordered from South America, made with guava paste and other natural ingredients. I scooped just a little from it’s metal tin, worked it through my fingers, then massaged it through my short, silky locks. Perfectly quaffed bedhead every time.  

Next were my clothes. Here we were allowed to accessorize with our uniforms but there wasn’t much you could do to improve upon gray slacks, white button down and a burgundy jacket with the school emblem (a regal lion wearing a graduation cap) on the front pocket. I could wear a colorful tie clip, but would Annalee like that? Would she even notice? 

I could always wear my tie askew, but I’d get marks for that and I didn’t think she’d find it all that cool on me. I wasn’t popular by any means but the only reason I didn’t get bullied was because my parents donated enough money to this school that no one dared touch me. My father, Arthur P. Smith had a library named after him and my mother, Helena Marie Smith-Fitzgerald (she wanted to hyphenate) was on some school community that planned our trips or parties or whatever. Let’s just say, she knew who was who and she had clout to throw around as well. 

Seeming to get nowhere, I settled on a pin of a mini telescope with a boy looking at the moon through it. Maybe she would notice that. And lastly, my shoes. 

The school required us to either wear loafers or plain, non-branded shoes. I went with plain white tennis shoes but I had removed the white laces with gray ones, hoping to add some flair to the uniform. And . . . I looked boring as hell. Oh well, it’d have to do. Thus, I slipped on my Apple watch and made my way to the cafe.

When I got there, I stared into a sea of burgundy and steel gray wool against a backdrop of beige. Perkland Accelerate Academy or PAA, loved for everything to be mute and colorless. They claimed it created a sense of all inclusiveness. Which was a fancy way of saying “I don’t see color,” or rather, “I don’t want to see color.” Most of the kids here were white or white passing and their parents had a ton of money. And I wasn’t that vastly different from any of them. Oh, except for the fact I had been reincarnated from previous lives due to a spirit I fell in love with 500 years ago. So there was that. 

I made my way through the throng of pretentious snobs, with their expensive bleached blonde or highlighted browns and the one redhead to the center of the cafeteria, where the buffet was set up. I took a minute to peruse the items in front of me. A tin of overcooked eggs that looked rubbery and processed, weak wobbly bacon that was more bacon grease than bacon, dry ass toast, and soggy fruit. You would think such a prestigious school could stand to serve better food. But the cafeteria workers were probably getting minimum wage and it would cost the school extra to bring in gourmet cooked food. Plus they probably thought it would humble our asses to eat this garbage. 

Well, I wasn’t that hungry anyway. I turned my focus around to the crowd, searching for long raven hair against smooth, copper skin and . . . nothing. I just hoped I had imagined her again. I couldn’t go through the pain of thinking I’d found her and it not be her. It practically killed me this past life. Granted I was an old man, but still. I didn’t think I could take much more of this. 

A few girls had been staring at me before facing away, succumbing to giggle fits. I rolled my eyes, uninterested. Why would I want them when I could basically have a goddess? 

I knew I was being arrogant but I only wanted Pamuya. I couldn’t help it. It was like I was asleep before her and now that I was alive, I didn’t want to go back to sleep. Everything was brighter, livelier, happier when Pamuya was around. Despite our demise, my heart soared with joy at the sight of her. I felt like I could float forever on just her touch alone. I knew then, all those centuries ago what I know now, Pamuya was the only woman for me. 

But she was Annalee in this life and she didn’t know me. And Pamuya seemed determined for her reincarnation not to know. How could we get to know each other if she wouldn’t let me get close to her?

Well, it seemed the universe was going to lend me a hand. I felt her before I saw her. As if my soul were being drawn to her. A hush fell over the dining hall as Annalee entered, radiant as ever. Of course she wore the school uniform, although girls were required to wear pleated skirts instead of slacks. However, an exception could be made if your parents paid enough money for it to be made. Shameful, I knew. 

She tugged at her skirt, a nervous tick perhaps or maybe she felt it was too short. But she had the most beautiful clay colored skin and gorgeous, long legs that she shouldn’t hide. She wore the loafers, with socks (thank goodness) instead of the tennis shoes. Interesting choice. Yet what sent me (and probably every other adolescent boy and some girls) was her hair. She had it up in a ponytail with just a plain hair tie but it worked on her. She looked cute and inviting. 

A look that definitely screamed please like me. I felt sorry for her. These kids were vultures and they were always scavenging for the next thing to kill. 

All eyes were on her as she glided across the floor towards the buffet line. Her head held high, gaze straight ahead, not paying attention to any of the stares, including me as she grabbed a tray and a plate and made her way down the line. She considered the food, which as I mentioned was garbage, before taking some toast and moving on to the condiments station. 

My feet walked themselves over behind her without my consent but I couldn’t help myself, I was mesmerized by her. She bristled upon my approach, as if steadying herself for what I might do. I didn’t want to scare off, knowing what we have to be so precarious, thus I took a step back and spoke softly, “H-How are you?”

Shit! I sounded so stupid. 

“Fine,” was her curt response. 

Okay, this was good. At least she was talking to me. I just needed to ease into things. 

“How do you like it here so far?” I asked. 

“It’s alright,” she ground out through her teeth. 

I was pushing my luck with her. She was trying to hold it in but her cool was slipping. 

“Maybe we could–”

“No.” came her resolute reply. “Suddenly I’ve lost my appetite.” She discarded her plate and stalked off. 

I knew it was risky but if I didn’t do something now, I could lose her forever. 

“Pamu–I mean Annalee, would you please–” 

I grabbed her hand to only stop her but clearly Pamuya didn’t see it that way. Next thing I knew, she clasped my arm and swung me over, body slamming me down in front of her. 

Anyone else would be terrified but not me. For when I looked up into those gorgeous cerulean and silver orbs of hers, I saw the anger, I saw the hurt, but I also saw the glimmer of love she still had for me. Besides, if she wanted to hurt me, she’d have thrown me so hard, the floor would’ve cracked. And judging from how intact the tiles were, she hadn’t slammed me that hard. 

“Stay the hell away from me Ayden. I never want to see your face ever again.” 

For a moment we locked eyes and a lifetime of love and hate swirled between us. Pamuya’s breathing heavy from sheer rage, her teeth bared for me to see, but her eyes, as steely as they were, on the brink of sadness. Then her irises flickered, going back to their amber hue. 

“I’m . . .” She slowly released me, as if just now realizing what she had done. She looked up at the other kids, gauging the fear written in their eyes. Then she turned back to me, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

“It’s okay,” I tried to reassure her. 

“I’m sorry,” she said before taking off, exiting the cafeteria. 

Damit. I was so close. But I should have known Pamuya would never forgive me. I’d have to think of another way to get close to her. In due time.