Not My Wedding Day

I had the dress already picked out. It was going to be the white one with black lace trim on the sides. But then I changed my mind. It looked too much like a wedding dress and this definitely wasn’t my wedding. 

The dictionary certainly had a word for what we were doing today: eloping; but I didn’t want to use that word. Just thinking about it left a bad taste in my mouth. It sounded like jumping rope or something childish like that. Eloping meant rushing into things without thinking, even though we had thought about it long and hard before deciding to get married. What we were doing was childish. We were simply trying to avoid all that family drama. 

The drama being that no one wanted to see me, a black girl together with my fiance, the white guy. It felt like we had stepped back in time to the 50s or something. My sister even said she’d speak at the part “speak now or forever hold your piece.” Like she’d ever get married anyway. She was just jealous. But I could just see my parents’ disapproving looks on their faces, whilst they sat there, silently willing me not to marry this man. 

This man being Jay, a nobody from nowhere, just like me. But that’s what made us perfect for each other. Only we really knew each other and what we wanted. Yet I guess all my parents could see was someone holding me back, keeping me stuck in nowhere. At least we’d be stuck together. 

“You ready?” my . . . I guess fiancé asked. Although, a fiancé meant we were getting married sometime in the near future at a wedding; not going downtown to the courthouse and signing a piece of paper before a judge. Because that’s all marriage was, a legal binding contract between two people. What was the point of planning a wedding, right?

“Almost,” I finally replied, still not dressed for my not wedding. Honestly, why was I trying to look nice, doing my hair and makeup. No one I knew would be there, and once it was all said and done, we weren't going to celebrate with friends and family.  I might as well put on some jeans and a t-shirt. For all I knew, that's the same thing Jay was wearing. But I did hope a nice pair of jeans and t-shirt.  

I settled on a plain, peach colored sundress and cream colored flats. My hair done up, with my bangs swooped to the side. No earnings or any other jewelry. I just didn't see the point. The only piece of jewelry that really mattered I didn’t have, so again, why bother?

I exited the bathroom and slowly made my way to the living room. I stopped at the mirror in the hallway, giving my look a final once over. Nothing too special but not too shabby if I do say so myself. 

“Hey,” Jay snuck up on me. I didn’t know how such a large man could move without making a sound or me noticing? “You look incredible,” he smiled at me, closing the space between us, wrapping his arm around my waist, and nuzzling his nose in my neck. 

I tried hard to fight the feeling but eventually succumbed to the sensation and couldn’t stop smiling. I really did love him. He just made me feel warm, safe, and happy.

Why couldn’t my family see that? Why did they care so much about who I ended up with? Sure, Jay was rough around the edges, but they weren’t peaches either. If I had my say in who’d be my family, I’d rethink some relatives.

I took a step back and noticed he wasn’t wearing jeans. He wasn’t wearing a tux either, but he had a gray suit with a black button down. I remembered when we bought that because he had a job interview and I suggested he wear a suit. He didn’t get the job but at least he got a nice suit out of it.

“Well, where are you headed to Mr. Fancy Pants?”

“Oh, nowhere special,” he replied, shrugging.

I feigned frustration but I swear, if he . . .

“Kidding!” he cut through my simmering thoughts. “Of course today is special because I’m marrying the most beautiful and wonderful girl in the world.” He hugged me.

I relaxed into him, reassured that all would be well.

“Ready?” He stared into my eyes.

I was ready. I wanted nothing more than to marry this man and be his wife. It would have been nice to have a wedding and have family there, drama and all, but forget them.

“Alisha?” He squeezed my hand. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll see. Trust me.”

That’s what I loved about Jay. He always knew how to make me feel better. He really did care about me. Why couldn’t they see that?

“You’re right. Let’s do this.”

Once outside, I noticed the car had been washed and there was a sign on the back that said ‘Just Married.’ No cans tied to the back but there were paper cranes hanging from the trunk. Peering through the back window I could see a top hat on the driver’s seat and a veil on the passenger’s. It really was a sight to behold. 

“You did all this? For me?”

“Yeah.” He replied sheepishly. “I wanted to make the day a little special. I know it’s not the wedding you wanted, but that still doesn’t mean it can’t be a great day.”

“Thank you.” I hugged him tightly, really appreciative of all that he did. He really did make an effort and I didn’t want to disappoint him and all that hard work.

Thus we hopped in, buckled up and readied for the ride of our lives. Only little did we know, there would be some challenges.

On our way to the courthouse, we ended up in a bit of a traffic jam. Apparently, we were waiting for a funeral procession to go by. And it didn’t look like it was stopping anytime soon. 

“Oh no. Looks like we may not make it to the courthouse,” I commented, sounding more relieved than I had meant to.  As much as I wanted to get married, deep down, I didn’t want to do it this way. I just felt so conflicted about my family. 

On the one hand, they didn’t appreciate our relationship or my happiness, and seemed bound and determined to ruin things, no matter what. But on the other hand, they were still family and I still loved them, despite everything. I didn’t want to exclude them from what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. Plus, I knew if I did, that would hurt them more than my getting married to someone they didn’t like. 

I needed to tell my husband-to-be all of this. He may not understand right away, but I was sure if he knew how I felt, he’d turn this not-a-wedding around. 

But before I could even open my mouth, Jay griped, “Who decides to have a funeral on a Tuesday?”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll move along and we’ll be on our way,” I tried to reassure him. While I wanted to tell him how I felt, I wanted to do so when he was in a more calmed state. If I said anything now, he would think I didn’t want to get married. And I didn’t want him to think that. 

The procession finally went by and we made our way to the courthouse. The unfortunate thing about getting married at the courthouse is the parking. Most municipal buildings were downtown and there was hardly any parking downtown. And what little parking there was, you either had to pay for it or you were a very far walking distance away from your destination. 

“Seriously,” Jay said, circling a nearby parking lot. All the spaces were filled, including the ones with meters in front of them. This seemed like a good time to maybe mention postponing the wedding, or rather, actually talk about having one, when Jay sped off to the next parking lot.

“Hey!” 

“What?” He snapped.

“You know what .  . .” I was this close, I was so close. But I couldn’t say it. I didn’t want to start a fight.

The situation was beginning to seem hopeless. While I was glad the universe didn’t want us to elope, that didn’t mean I wanted to have it out with my kinda-sorta-fiance’. That wouldn’t be a good way to start the rest of our lives together.

“Jay, pull over in there.” I pointed to the parking lot of the fish market/restaurant. 

We just sat there. I didn’t know what to say to him. What could I say? There, there, it’ll all be okay. Oh, and by the way, I think we should actually have a wedding and not get married at the courthouse. Oh yeah, that would go over real well. 

“Why is this so hard?” He spoke after a while. 

I could tell he felt defeated. No matter what the problem was, Jay could always solve it. We could go to another parking lot, we might be able to find a space, we could probably get to the courthouse and get married by the end of the business day; but he couldn’t solve the problem of our families and having to elope instead of having a wedding. 

“This is not what I wanted for you today, what I wanted for us today,” he continued. “I wanted to make today special because of . . .you know, but it just seems like it’s not meant to be.” He finally hung his head. 

I grabbed his hand in mine and smiled. “Jay, I don’t want to get married this way. And neither do you. So let’s just go and get something to eat. And maybe over a plate of cheesecake, we can start planning our wedding. Fuck whomever doesn’t want to come.” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

No, today was not my wedding day. But someday it will be.